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Letters to our Sons

Dear E,

It’s your turn for a few words from your mum. I had to have a good think about whether or not to post a letter to you, since you’re old enough to find these words and maybe be embarrassed by them, but I decided that that was a risk I was willing to take! My plan, eventually, is to hand these letters over to you to have, so that you’ll have a tangible reminder of just how much you mean to me, and how deeply you’re loved. I know you “know”, but you don’t really. You can’t, just like I didn’t know when I was a kid. Not really, not until I had you.

You’re my first born. You changed me- you made me Mum. You were the first baby I nursed, the first to snuggle your little face into my neck, the first to fall asleep on my chest like a wet blanket, arms dangling at your sides, completely, blissfully asleep. You were the first to grab at my heart and not let go. The morning you were born, all purple and limp, I held my breath through tears of joy so that you would breathe. Just… Breathe! When you did, and finally cried your little cry, I cried along with you- relief, disbelief, and so much love.

Watching you grow up has been so amazing! You are one heck of a kid. You’ve kept challenging me along the way, urging me to keep up with you- with your words when you were little, and your skills as you got older, and now wanting to go ride your bike around the neighbourhood, alone! I know you’re 9 (almost 10 you told me this morning, but we’ve still got another 4 1/2 months to go!) so it’s about time to let the leash out again, but understand that I’m doing my best to keep up with you while still trying to make sure you don’t grow up too fast. There’s lots of time for being older when you’re older!

My Love, I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but since you became a big brother there are sides to you that you’re showing that I had never seen before, and they make me love you even more. Our Chublet is such a lucky girl to have you as her big brother! You’re so nurturing toward her- we can really see how much you love her. You were the first person she smiled at, and the first to get her to laugh (which was no mean feat!). You play with her, cajole her, tickle her and give her horsey rides. She thinks you’re hysterical (which you are, of course)!

Kiddo, I can’t tell you how glad I am that you’re mine. We’ve certainly had our trials, you and I, but despite all that I couldn’t be prouder of you. And nothing will ever make me love you less. I don’t always understand what it is that makes you tick, or why you do some of the things you do, but that’s ok. The world would be a pretty boring place if we were all the same! And when it comes down to it, you’re worth the effort. Yes, even when you call down to me after I’ve kissed you good night.

I love you love you love you, and always will.

Mum xoxo

If you have a few moments, I invite you to head on over to my friend Carol’s Blog to read the letter she wrote to her daughter. And why not add your voice to the conversation here, too!

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