In April last year I joined the wonderful group of photographers at Clickin’ Moms. I have learned a lot since joining, and I’ve gotten to know some really wonderful women through the boards and an offshoot group doing daily photo challenges. One of the ladies I’ve “met” is part of a Letters to our Daughters blog circle, and reading through their circle I was inspired to write letters to my little love.
How I wish I had started writing to you sooner. I told myself when you were tiny that I would write to you every month, but life being what it is- each day passing slowly but the years flying by- I found myself never managing to get words down on paper to share with you when you’re older. I tried- in fact I have a handful of half-started letters- but they just weren’t perfect. Not good enough for My Girl, for whom I wanted to write eloquent letters about my amazement as I watched her grow, and my love of and devotion to her and her brother and father. But you know? That’s silly. I just need to write. So here goes.
On the day you were born I promised you 10,000 kisses before your first birthday. By 3 or 4 months I was worried that I might be falling short. You see you weren’t a cuddly baby. You wanted to be held all the time, to be sure, but you weren’t cuddly. You frowned at me. You scowled at me. Your big brother was the only one who could get you to smile. The only way you slept was latched onto me, and if I moved you, you woke. We called you The Limpet. I loved you so very much, my heart ached from the strain of holding it all, but there was precious little of the calm, alert, quiet time with you that I had been so looking forward to. Few snuggles and cuddles unless you were finally asleep after hours of my coaxing you to sleep, tears rolling down my face from exhaustion. You didn’t like me to watch you when you nursed. Was I going to break the first promise I had ever made to you? So I worked it out. 28 kisses a day. And I counted. (I was really quite worried about this!). But you know? I needn’t have worried! I was there before lunch time! You were being showered with my love and kisses, just like I had promised- I was just too tired to realise it.
We’ve had a pretty intense ride, you and I, but I wouldn’t give up any of it. You’re headstrong and full of energy, you know what you want and you work to get it. You’ve always been an intense observer, and I’m looking forward to really getting to know you and how your mind works. I’m also looking forward to watching your sense of humour develop. Now that you’ve come out of your shell and will giggle and laugh I want to learn the tricks to keep you laughing so that we can always hear that beautiful sound!
Keeping up with you often leaves me wrung out as you’re always on the go, and always up to (or into) something. Since you started walking over the Christmas holiday you’re unstoppable! You seem to love the sound of your own voice because you’re always babbling away (you have so much to say, I’m sure you think your dad and I are daft because we can’t understand!). One of the funniest things is how much of a mimic you are, parroting away with “Oh Buddy…” or “Oh WOW…!”. You say Hi and Bye, Dada (which of course came before Mum), more, no, cracker, cookie, quack quack, Lily, ball, bottle and what sounds like Bruba for brother, though we’re not sure why you won’t call him Evan… I miss how you used to say “Oh’!” or “ooOOOOoooooo!” when you liked something! I’m sure I’m forgetting some of your words, and I know that you’ll keep adding to the list by handfuls. You really are amazing.
Love I want you to know that even though I get frustrated, and sometimes I get cross, I love you to pieces and I always always will. No matter what. And I hope you know that all the times that I’m reining you in and trying to hold on to you as the remarkable little person that you are, I know that before too long, and before I’m really ready, I’ll have to let go the reins bit by bit and let you become the big girl that you will. I want to slow it all down, press pause and really drink you in so that I can remember you as you are now, as you were 3 months ago, 6 months ago… at least I know that now with these letters and photographs I’ll have help in the remembering.
Love you love you love you my Sweet Pea. Always and forever.
If you have a minute why don’t you go and check out Catherine’s letters to her daughters too.